Thursday, April 27, 2017

Bulgarian Athletes Disqualified for Body Hacking

The European Athletics Confederation’s Karl Breitmeyer announced yesterday that Radoslava Maskirovka was disqualified from competing in any track and field events for the next two years for her participation in the Bulgarian glucose doping program. The EAC’s investigation of Maskirovka began after she passed out from dehydration on the medal stand at a track meet in Sophia earlier this year.

EAC doctors discovered that Maskirovka had a Chinese designed insulin pump implanted in her abdomen. Her coaches were able to remotely adjust the insulin levels in her body to provide additional concentrations of glucose during the distance races that Maskirovka excelled at. The so-called optogenetic pump produces insulin within the body upon command of a microchip controlled by a smart phone application.

Sports federations around the world are concerned with the rise of this type of body hacking in athletes. Not only does it provide the augmented athletes with nearly undetectable advantages over their opponents, but it also has severe physical and medical long term consequences for the athletes involved.

In related news, the German hacking collective, Stasi Ehemalige, announced today that they were opposed to this State sponsored body hacking as it was an attack on the health and welfare of the athletes involved. They said that they had found vulnerabilities in the Chinese device and would have hackers on hand at all future Euro sports events to disrupt the operation of such devices.