FlottSoft Hack Paralyses Federal Government

This morning, shortly after news broke about hundreds of stalled vehicles blocking traffic in Washington and its suburbs, the Federal Fleet Management Service announced that the entire federal motor vehicle fleet had been paralyzed by ransomware. “This morning at six-thirty Washington time, each of our FlottSoft terminals across the country flashed a red screen and then announced that every non-electric vehicle in our fleet would not be able to start until a ransom of 10,000 Bitcoin was paid,” Terry Ragozine, spokesperson for the FFMS told reporters. Vehicles in transit when the ransomware struck shutdown the next time that the vehicle came to a stop.

Shortly after that announcement, a brief announcement was made by Regina Louis Ziegler, White House spokesperson, that the President was working with his national security advisors on a solution to this problem. “It remains the policy of the United States that we will not pay ransoms, nor will we deal with terrorists,” she announced. Ziegler refused to answer questions about how many of the President’s advisors were still stuck in stalled vehicles in Washington.

General Buck Turgidson, Director of the National Critical Infrastructure Security Operations Center (CI-SOC), announced that the CI-SOC was working on the problem. “Fortunately, we have four vehicles here at out headquarters in Delano, GA that are affected by the stoppage to work with,” Turgidson explained. “We have confirmed that the malware is acting at the vehicle level, somewhere within the vehicle CAN bus network, the FlottSoft terminals are working normally after the ransomware announcement is disabled.”

An FFMS background document on FlottSoft explains that the software was adopted by the federal government about ten years ago to manage the ever expanding fleet of motor vehicles. The software allows FFMS managers to track vehicle use and maintenance. Just two years ago, the vendor added anti-theft protections that allowed stolen vehicles to be shutdown by managers.

Late Breaking News: According to a variety of sources, at 8:30 EST all of the shut-down vehicles in the federal inventory began systematically flashing their lights on and off. Multiple sources noticed that the lights were flashing in Morse Code, repeating “Pay Me”. This affected electric vehicles that were previously excluded from the effects of the attack.

CAUTIONARY NOTE: This is a future news story –